


Strawberries

by ESawyer



Series: Strawberries [1]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Based on a Song - Not My Fathers Son - Kinky Boots, Drag Queens, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Post-Uganda (Book of Mormon Musical)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23742409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ESawyer/pseuds/ESawyer
Summary: I'm not my father's son, I'm not the image of what he dreamed of
Relationships: Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price
Series: Strawberries [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716322
Comments: 11
Kudos: 34





	Strawberries

**Author's Note:**

> This is day 9 of the BOM 10 Day Challenge!  
> -Write something based around the title of your favourite Non-BOM song-

Kevin Price was quite homosexual and knew next to nothing about being in the gay community. Arnold Cunningham was quite heterosexual and knew almost everything about being in the gay community. Where it should have been Kevin taking Arnold to his first gay bar, Arnold had showed Kevin all the best - and worst - ones in town. And although all of Arnold’s favourite bars were the ones with rainbows on their doors, Kevin wasn’t sure that he could say the same. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that this was because he had been taught that being gay was not something to be proud of, and he was still in the process of unlearning that lesson. 

Still, he had been quite shocked to discover that there was such a vibrant gay scene in Salt Lake City. In a strange sort of way, it angered him. Had 15 year old Kevin Price known that there was a whole community of people just like him on his doorstep, might have been saved years of repressed feelings and not still burn bright red whenever he saw a gay couple holding hands in public at the age of twenty two. 

Arnold was unrelentingly okay with Kevin’s homosexuality which was nice and he was grateful for it, there was just something slightly upsetting about watching your straight best friend carry all the pride that you were meant to be carrying. It was _Arnold_ who had bought them both matching pin badges for Kevin’s very first pride (it had been Arnold’s second). It was _Arnold_ who had introduced him to RuPauls Drag Race and had explained what all the slang meant (Kevin still couldn’t use any of it in the correct context, so he never tried to). And it was _Arnold_ who had taken Kevin through a list of gay icons (some of them weren’t even gay, which was too confusing for him to wrap his mind around). 

Still, Kevin was learning to accept his sexuality. All he wanted was to be able to accept the fact that he was gay. _Loving_ his sexuality was probably something that was going to come at a much later date, and he was okay with that. And Arnold seemed convinced that the best way to accept who he was was to take him to a drag bar.

“I’m not so sure about that...” Kevin mumbled down the phone. The last thing he wanted was for his parents to hear his conversation. 

Arnold sighed, “I knew you were going to say that! _Why?_ ” 

“Because - Because I still live at home! And my parents they - they know I’m _you know,_ but I think they think I'm gonna change one day!” he hissed down the phone, “I - I can’t. It’s too risky, bud...”

“Just stay at mine for the weekend,” Arnold said, “No one will know. Tell them we’re applying for colleges together or something,” 

“They think I’m going to BYU,” 

“Yeah, well that’s _another_ thing you have to tell them!” Arnold exclaimed, “Please come with me, Kevin. I think you’ll really enjoy it!”

“I don’t - I don’t do bars well,” Kevin said, “or - or drag queens. You know I don’t really get Drag Race,” 

Kevin could practically hear Arnold roll his eyes down the phone. 

“Don’t knock it till you try it!” Arnold exclaimed, “You don’t know, you might find a love for drag after this,” 

“I don’t - I don’t think so,” Kevin muttered, looking up at his very bland, very Mormon reflection, “I think I’ll be happy to go through life having never had to wear a dress,”

Arnold sighed, “But you’ll come with me? _Pleaaase,_ Kev? I really want you to come! I don’t have anyone else to go with and I don’t want to go on my own!”

“Ugh, fine,” Kevin groaned, “I’ll come with, but this is the last time we’re going out for ages!” 

Arnold erupted into a fit of giggles, “Meet me at mine at seven!”

* * *

“So where are you going?” Jack asked, sitting (uninvited) on Kevin’s bed whilst he did his hair. 

“I told you,” Kevin said impatiently, “to Arnold’s,”

Jack frowned at him through the mirror but stayed silent; he was the only family member who Kevin had actually come out to, and probably the only family member who wasn’t going to end up disowning him. He had never been quite as devout as Kevin, and had even somehow managed to skip out on his mission. This was something that Kevin was secretly happy about; he wasn’t sure he would have been able to deal with the anxiety of knowing his younger brother was so far away and possibly in danger (Kevin knew he was projecting every time he thought this, but it didn’t stop him from being convinced that going on a mission would one day end in disaster. He at least had a few more years before he had to worry about his other siblings). 

“You’re very...dressed up,” Jack said, “Are you going to a Church event or something?”

“What? No!” Kevin exclaimed, looking down at his clothes, “Do I look like I’m going to Church?”

“A little bit,” Jack sniggered. 

Kevin spun around in his chair, “We’re going to a drag bar,” 

Jack’s eyes bulged, “Kev, dude, you couldn’t look more Mormon if you tried. You can’t go to a drag bar looking like that,” 

“How do - How do _you_ know what I should like?” 

“You know that girl who you’re convinced is my girlfriend? Mellisa?” 

“Yeah?”

“She’s a lesbian _and_ her brother is a drag queen. I know these things,” Jack said, “and he was _very_ mean to me once because I looked really Mormon. Imagine what he’d say about you!”

Kevin turned back around to face his reflection, shoulders sagging a little, “I feel like everyone knows how to be gay except me,” 

Jack sighed, “I don’t - I don’t think there’s a correct way to be gay, buddy. I just think you’re either gay or your not...” 

“I shouldn’t wear this blazer though, should I?”

“Take it off and burn it,” 

Kevin was fifteen minutes late to meeting Arnold thanks to Jack making him change his entire outfit because ‘ _I don’t want you being bullied, buddy’_ and then convinced him to not have his hair so neat. Though the moment Kevin had left the house and started walking to Arnold’s house, he had immediately smoothed it back into place.

When the cab pulled up outside the bar - one that Kevin had never been to before, which was doing nothing to help his anxiety - the first person he saw was a drag queen who must have been at least 6’7 in ridiculous high heels and wearing more makeup than Kevin had ever seen in his life. 

“I really dont think this is the place for me, dude,” Kevin said, scratching the back of his neck. 

“You don’t have to talk to any of the Queens, bud. Just enjoy the night for once. Have a drink. _Chill out._ ” 

“Arnold, I have never once chilled out in my life. I didn’t even chill out as a baby. There’s literally pictures of me reading a kids version of the Book of Mormon when I was like 3,” 

Arnold sighed and clapped him on the back, “We’ll stay for the first act and then go home, okay? I just think it’s good for you to be out and experience your community,”

“Can’t _you_ just be my community?” Kevin mumbled as Arnold dragged him into the bar. 

“No,” Arnold said, “It’s good to be around people like you. It’ll make you feel less alone.”

Kevin made a beeline for a table in the very corner of the bar near a door in case they needed to make a quick escape. Arnold muttered something about barely being able to see the stage but was nice enough to not make Kevin move any nearer. He slouched against the wall slightly, trying to make himself as small as possible whilst his eyes scanned the bar, trying to decide if this was the type of place he could fit into. But between the drag queens, the men wearing leather, the women wearing leather and the boys his age wearing shirts he could never pull off, he wasn’t sure he did fit. _Arnold_ fit in more with the obnoxiously bright shirt that he was wearing. There were days when Kevin half considered going to his local bishop and begging to get fixed, because everyone knew that happened behind closed doors, even if they didn’t speak about it. 

“Can I get you boys anything to drink?”

Kevin almost jumped out of his skin when a drag queen with voluminous black hair and bright blue eyeshadow appeared next to their table. He immediately looked over to Arnold, begging him to do the talking. 

“First time in a gay bar, honey?” the drag queen asked him, red lips pulled into a smirk, “Don’t worry. We can spot a scared straight guy a mile away, no ones gonna come onto you,” 

Arnold giggled, “Actually, he’s gay,” 

She turned to look at him and threw her head back, laugh booming around the bar, “Well, you had me fooled, darling,” she held a manicured hand out to him, “I’m Peggy Sue,” 

Kevin frowned, “But I thought - I thought drag queens were meant to have names that meant something else?” 

“It means I’ll peg you, if you ask nicely,”

“You’ll _what_ me?”

Arnold burst into laughter, almost tumbling right off his chair. Peggy Sue snorted, covering her face with her pad as she laughed. Kevin felt his shoulders sag; he wasn’t sure he had ever felt so out of place in his life. 

“Aren’t you just the sweetest?” Peggy Sue asked, dabbing at her eyes, “You can get your drinks on the house for that. What do you want?”

Kevin let Arnold take over after that, barely paying any attention to the fact that he had ordered them both alcoholic drinks. At least they were free so neither of them were wasting money when Kevin no doubt left his alone. Despite being 21 for almost a year, Kevin had never quite warmed up to drinking. He couldn’t understand the appeal of doing something to purposely lose control. 

“What does - What did she mean?” Kevin asked when she had walked away to get their drink, “About - about that thing?” 

When Arnold had explained the concept of pegging through tears of laughter, Kevin sat back in his chair with a little frown, not really knowing how to respond to that sort of thing. He was saved from having to answer by Peggy Sue coming back with their drinks.

“And here’s who’s on tonight,” Peggy Sue said, still giggling a little as she handed him a flyer, “Who knows, kid, you might find a passion for drag,” 

“I don’t think I will,” Kevin mumbled, taking the poster off her and looking down at it. 

**Pearl of Africa:**

**If she’s from Africa, why is she white?**

Kevin frowned down at the poster; it showed the back of a drag queen wearing a ridiculously pink outfit with white blonde hair. He looked up at Arnold, about to ask if he understood what was going on when he realised his best friend was slumped against the wall, tears of laughter streaming down his face. 

“What?” Kevin asked, growing more and more annoyed at not understanding any jokes, “What are you laughing at now?”

“This drag queen's name!” Arnold exclaimed, “The whole thing!” 

Kevin stared down at the poster and frowned, “I don’t - I don’t know what it means? I guess...I guess she could be from South Africa?” 

“No, Kev, it’s - it’s a Mean Girls reference. You’ve seen the film, right?” Arnold laughed, “When Karen asks Cady how she can be from Africa if she’s white?” 

“Uh...” 

“You’ve _never_ seen Mean Girls?” Arnold asked, his laughter dying down, “Come on, dude! ‘ _On wednesdays we wear Pink’_...’ _She doesn’t even go here!_ ’...you’ve - you’ve actually never seen it have you?” 

Kevin shook his head, “I literally have no idea what you’re talking about,” 

Arnold groaned, “We're gonna watch Mean Girls one day,” 

“Sure thing, pal,” Kevin mumbled, quickly getting his phone out of his pocket to text Jack. 

**Kevin:** _Have you ever watched a movie called Mean Girls?_

 **Jack:** _Yes?_

 **Kevin:** _Oh._

 **Jack:** _Why are you asking me this? I thought you were out with Arnold?_

 **Kevin:** _I am but there’s a drag queen here called Pearl of Africa and her tagline is: if she’s from Africa, why is she white?_

 **Jack:** _That's hilarious!_

 **Kevin:** _I don’t get it. Couldn’t she just be from South Africa?_

 **Jack:** _Watch the movie and you’ll understand._

Kevin threw his phone down to the table with a groan. He was starting to regret ever agreeing to come to the stupid bar in the first place when the lights suddenly went down and someone announced the arrival of the Pearl of Africa. Kevin rolled his eyes and turned back to his phone. Just as he was about to ask Jack to call him with a fake family emergency, Arnold kicked him under the table and pointed over at the stage. 

“That’s Elder McKinley!” he hissed. 

“What?” Kevin asked impatiently. 

“Pearl of Africa! She’s _Elder McKinley_!” 

Kevin scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous, Arnold. Of course that’s not Elder McKinley. Not every gay man is a drag queen,” 

“No, but that one is!” Arnold exclaimed, “Look!” 

Kevin looked over at the stage where Pearl was currently lip syncing to a song that Kevin did not know. He squinted a little, trying to make out her features under the bright lights and heavy make-up. He could admit that there was something familiar about her, but Kevin was almost certain that it wasn’t because it was their old District Leader. 

“Arn, I’m pretty sure his parents are more strict than mine. I don’t think that he left Africa and became a drag queen,” Kevin said, “He’s probably at BYU or something,” 

“No! Kevin, I’m telling you that that’s Elder McKinley!” Arnold said, “You only don’t want it to be him because you had a crush on him and never did anything about it,” 

Kevin felt his cheeks flush, “I - I did not have a crush on Elder McKinley! I just - he was...I didn’t have a crush on him!” 

Deep down, he knew that really, he had spent the majority of his mission pining over Elder McKinley and wishing that he would make the first move. There had been a moment on their final day when Kevin had thought that he was leaning in for a kiss, but he had simply flicked a bug off of his shoulder and they had parted ways. 

“That’s not him, anyway,” Kevin said quickly. 

“Come on! There’s no way that isn’t him! _‘The Pearl of Africa’_?” Arnold laughed, “That’s what they call Uganda!” 

Kevin rolled his eyes, “Coincidence, Arnold,” 

It was only when Pearl began walking through the crowd that Kevin began to wonder if Arnold was indeed right. There was something oddly familiar about the way she walked, and he was suddenly reminded of a party where Elder McKinley had gotten drunk and he and Poptarts had been strutting up and down the mission hut like they were at Fashion Week. Still, Kevin told himself, it certainly wasn’t Elder McKinley because on their finaly day in Uganda, he had comforted him as he lamented the fact that he would have to go back to an ultra conservative household and, in turn, go back into the closet. 

“Oh my god,” Kevin mumbled when Pearl arrived at their table. 

Pearl stared at him for a good few seconds, and Kevin could see faint freckles hidden underneath layers of makeup and piercing blue eyes underneath the large eyelashes. She faltered, for a moment, but quickly came back to herself, hoisting her handbag onto her shoulder and turning on her heel, her hair whipping Kevin’s face. 

Kevin turned back to Arnold, his mouth hanging open. 

“That _was_ Elder McKinley,” 

* * *

Pearl had suspiciously vanished after her act, not that Kevin blamed her. As soon as Arnold had finished his drink, Kevin grabbed him and ran. And Kevin was reminded of how lucky he was to have a best friend like him. When Kevin didn’t want any questions asked, there never was, and they woke up the next morning like they had never been out in the first place. 

He was not so lucky when he got home, however. Jack was waiting for him by the front door and immediately dragged him upstairs.

“So? How was your first drag experience?” he asked eagerly. 

“Uh,” Kevin said, “It was...I saw my old District Leader,” 

And before he could stop himself, Kevin had accidentally told Jack about how he and Elder McKinley had had a _thing_ that wasn’t really a _thing_ but they had spent so much time together that it had very nearly become a _thing_ and he couldn’t help but be ridiculously angry at himself because he would have liked a _thing_ and _more_ with him. And when he had seen him - _her?_ \- again, he had just been reminded of how much he really wanted a _thing_ and _more_ but very obviously wouldn’t be getting in anytime soon because he - _she?_ \- had ran off. 

Jack, much to his credit, had sat and listened patiently to Kevin’s nonsensical rambling. When he had finished, Jack glanced over at Kevin’s phone and smirked. 

“You might want to check your Facebook notifications,” 

Kevin snatched his phone off the bed and unlocked it, his phone bringing up a Facebook message. 

**Connor McKinley:** _I know that was probably weird for you, but I want a catch up. Meet me back at the bar tomorrow? At eight?_

 **Kevin Price:** _Sure._

 **Connor McKinley:** _I am working though. I'll be Pearl._

 **Kevin Price:** _That’s ok. I don’t mind._

 **Connor McKinley:** _:) It’s a date._

Kevin looked back up at his brother, ever so slightly panicked, “It’s a date,” 

* * *

Jack was kind enough to drop Kevin off at the bar, lying to their parents about how they were going out for dinner. _Sibling bonding,_ he had said, _we don’t do it enough._ Neither of their parents questioned it, and Kevin was almost certain it was because they were happy to have him out of the house. His dad especially. 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Kevin muttered when they pulled up outside of the bar, “Maybe I should just text him and tell him that-” 

“Nope,” Jack interrupted, “Please, Kev, you deserve to be an actual person for once, instead of a robot,” 

Kevin nodded, nervously smoothing down his hair, “Yeah. No. You’re right. What are you gonna do?”

Jack shrugged, “I dunno. I might go and see Melissa, actually. I think her brother knows Pearl,” 

“Not all gay people know eachother, J,” 

Jack snorted, “Whatever. Go have fun!”

He was almost certain that he wasn’t going to have fun the moment he stepped foot in the bar and walked straight into Peggy Sue. She laughed at him and pressed a kiss to his cheek, making him blush bright red. 

“Pearl told me about you,” she laughed, “She gets off in five minutes. Go wait at the bar,” 

Kevin mumbled his thanks and hurried over to the bar. Pearl was standing behind the bar, cleaning a glass and humming a little under her breath. 

“Uh...hey,” Kevin said awkwardly, sliding onto one of the stools. 

She looked up at him and smirked, “Hey. Want a drink?”

“I don’t - I don’t really drink,” he said, “Um, can I - coke is fine. I’ll just have coke,” 

Pearl smiled at him and poured him his drink, sliding it over the bar to him and waving off his attempt to pay. 

“Old friends don’t pay,” she said. 

Kevin nodded and took the opportunity to look, but really _look._ Beneath the make-up, Kevin can see the awkward yet overbearing District Leader that he had harboured a secret soft spot for. She must have been wearing less make-up than the day she was performing, because he could see her freckles better, still as strong as they were when they were in Uganda. 

“I’m going to get changed,” she said, “I’ll be back in a minute,” 

A minute turned out to be half an hour, and there was a moment where Kevin considered texting Jack and asking him to pick him up until Pearl appeared again. Or, rather, Connor did. At least, Kevin thought he was looking at Connor; he - _She? T_ _hey?_ \- was still wearing makeup, but not nearly as much. His eyes looked like his again, but his lips were still plink and glossy. 

“Wanna go outside?” he - _She? They?_ \- asked, “I don’t trust anyone to not listen,” 

Kevin nodded and followed him outside. They sat down at a table, Kevin feeling more and more awkward as time went on. Finally, Connor broke the silence. 

“You have questions?” 

“Um...I...I thought your parents wouldn’t be okay with this...” 

Connor laughed, “Believe me, they aren’t. They kicked me out and I moved in with Peggy Sue,” 

“She scares me,” Kevin blurted. 

“She scares everyone, don’t worry,” Connor snorted, “but she’s - she’s been good to me.” 

Kevin nodded, “And, uh...how do I - I mean...are you...are you a _he?_ Or - Or...sorry, is that - is that rude? I shouldn’t have...I shouldn't have asked,” 

Connor shrugged, “I don’t know. I think - I think I...I like they. I like to be a _they._ Even though...Even though I really don’t know what that means yet,” 

Kevin didn’t really know what that meant, but he didn’t want to say something and make him - no, make _them_ feel bad so he just smiled and nodded. He supposed it wasn’t really any of his business. 

“Well, I - I thought you were great last night,” Kevin said, and he did mean it, “Even though I don’t get the whole Mean Girls thing,”

“I was Regina George,” 

Kevin shrugged, “I’ve never watched the movie. I don’t know who that is,” 

Connor snorted, and they fell into silence, but it was comfortable and reminded Kevin just how much he liked being in Connor’s presence. Sitting in the parking lot of a gay bar was a lot different to sitting in a hut in Uganda, but Kevin still felt the same butterflies than he had done back then. 

“So...are you out to your parents?” Connor asked, “assuming you’re not straight,”

“Oh, uh...sort of,” Kevin muttered, “I mean, I think they know, they just aren’t acknowledging it. I think if it were up to them, I’d never officially come out to them and we could just pretend it wasn’t happening,” 

“Don’t I know that feeling,” Connor said bitterly, “my dad found a bottle of foundation and acted like he’d just discovered that I snort coke every weekend. He’d probably prefer that, actually. He yelled at me for _hours_ about how he hadn’t brought me up to be like this,” 

“I don’t - I don’t even feel like my dads son, anymore,” Kevin said, Connor still somehow having the ability to make him open up about things he never usually would, “I was meant to be this upstanding, _heterosexual,_ respectable Mormon. I was gonna follow in his footsteps...marry a girl when I got back off my mission,have a family, become a bishop...not...not whatever I am now,” 

Connor put their hand over Kevin’s, their nails were painted red, “Do you want to be the son your dad wants?”

“It’d be easier,” 

“No, it wouldn’t.” Connor said, squeezing his hand, “for a while, maybe, but you’d reach your breaking point. You can’t live a lie, Kevin. It’s not fair on you. I learned that the hard way,” 

“Are you - Are you happy? Doing what you’re doing?” Kevin asked, “because I don’t think that I am.”

Connor nodded, “Yeah. No one ever believes me but I - Pearl is a way to escape. She’s free. _I’m_ free. Even now, when I’m not Pearl, I feel like that. Whoever you are is exactly who you need to be,”

Kevin turned to look at them and smiled a little, “I - yeah...no, you’re right. “

They fell into silence again, and Kevin started to inch towards Connor a little, trying - and failing - to not be obvious about it. Connor clearly notices; they turn to face Kevin, resting their head on their hand and looking up at him. 

“Are you huddling for warmth or trying to kiss me?” 

“Oh, uh, I mean - I...I should have - are you...are you even gay?” Kevin asked with a frown, “because if you’re - if you’re not a he then...sorry. Am I being offensive?”

Connor laughed and shook their head, “No. You’re being...you’re being cute. I still say I’m gay. I’m only attracted to men. And one man in particular,” 

“Oh.” Kevin said, feeling himself deflate a little, “Who?”

“ _You_ , silly,” Connor said with a giggle, “Was I not obvious about it in Uganda?” 

Kevin flushed, “A little...” 

Connor grinned, “I promise I won’t chicken out and pretend to flick a bug off your shoulder this time,” 

As Connor leaned forward, Kevin forgot how to move. Connor didn’t seem to mind and took Control, gently cradling Kevin’s cheek with one hand and interlacing their fingers with the others. If Connor could tell that it was his first kiss - and he was almost certain they could - they didn’t say anything. 

“Sorry,” Connor whispered, dabbing at his lips when they pulled away, “I’ve got lipgloss on you,” 

“I don’t mind,” Kevin whispered breathlessly, "it - it tastes like strawberries,"

“At least when you go home your parents will think you’ve been kissing a girl,” 

Kevin decided that that meant he could kiss them again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank-you for reading! I've been wanting to write this forever, and then this gave me an excuse to finally do it!  
> Also!! This is my first time writing a nonbinary character, so if I've done anything wrong, feel free to tell me!!!


End file.
